“You know I did think about what might happen to me if my wife died before me a lot as I got older, but men usually die before their wives, so I didn’t take these thoughts all that seriously. My wife and I never had any children. Now, after my wife’s passing, I am living alone and I have to use a walker to get around, I really can’t cook for myself because I can’t stand that long and the arthritis in my hands is bad. We never planned for this time in our lives and while I do have savings, I am going through the money very fast. I have to depend on people from my church and neighbors to help me with shopping and cleaning and I feel awful about that. Each day is uncertain, stressful and hard, and I have no idea how I am going to make it. Even though my wife and I had good jobs all of our lives, I don’t have the money to get the help I need!”
“Every time I thought about what might happen to me when I was old after I divorced, I dismissed it with the idea that my kids would take care of me, after all I had five. This was my unspoken plan that no one knew anything about. I never imagined that I would end up in a wheel chair at age 69 and not be able to do many of the things I need to do for myself. My kids have busy lives and they aren’t around much, they just don’t seem to understand the challenges I face and I still don’t know how to talk to then about it, how to ask then for what I need.”
“My husband and I both came from wealthy families and we ended up taking care of our parents, making sure that they had the care they needed as they aged. You would think that going through these experiences would have given us good reason to plan for what we wanted, but we didn’t do it, In fact we did just the opposite. After our parents were gone and when our only child died, we traveled all over the world and spent money like it was going out of style. We did not talk about things that were uncomfortable and I think each of us was thinking that if we would just die in a plane crash that would be great. Unfortunately this never happened. Now we are facing selling our house and moving into an apartment or assisted living, and our money isn’t going to last as long as we do. It is frightening, but we still don’t talk about it.”
And lastly,
” I have worked in this facility as a nurse since it was built in 2004, and I love assisting the people who live here with living the best life possible. Not all of the staff here feels the way I do, and you can imagine what I see going on. I always try to smooth things out, to make things more bearable for the residents, but some of the time it just isn’t possible. I can’t imagine what it is like to live here. So, I’m sure you can see why I don’t want anything to do with living in a place like this when I am older. I am doing everything I can to plan and involve my children in my aging process and I believe that it makes all of us stronger and more certain about the future. 80% of the people who live here have never talked about or done any planning for their aging and that is why they are here. It is very, very sad.”
